First Gen Problems

June 12, 2020
by Liz

Diversity

Ever since COVID-19 happened I’m sure we’ve all had to make some changes in several aspects of our lives. One major change I made, like so many other students, was switching to remote learning. Whether you’re about to start classes soon this summer here at Chan, or completing some prerequisite courses elsewhere, don’t be afraid . . . IT WILL BE OKAY!

When this whole thing started, I decided to move back home with my parents in Santa Ana. I was afraid the loneliness would get to me if I stayed at my apartment in LA all alone and remote learning seemed like a good opportunity to move back home for a bit. At first, moving back was fine. It was great to spend more time with my family and enjoy my mom’s home cooked meals. BUT, what I didn’t know was that being back home would actually result in me feeling more stressed and overwhelmed than ever.

Like many other first generation students, one of the reasons I chose to pursue a higher education (other than my love for OT, of course) was because I want to take care of my parents at some point. I don’t want my mom cleaning houses or my dad taking care of people’s landscaping forever! So, when I moved back home that stressor that had been stored somewhere in the back of my mind, made itself very visible again. My family lives in a small apartment, so when I would hear my dad get up at 4 AM to get ready to get to work it felt almost impossible to fall asleep again. I was constantly thinking about how much older he’s getting and how much I wished he could just stay in bed and drink his coffee when the sun was actually out. Seeing my mom come home exhausted and complain about her back pain didn’t make things any better. That pressure and stress I was able to almost forget about when I was in LA just didn’t go away, and I could feel how it was taking a toll on me emotionally.

To make matters worse, it was extremely difficult to focus on getting my work done for class. My family was constantly trying to hang out (don’t get me wrong I love them, but COME ON I have some work to do!). I started to feel bad because I felt like family time was what they looked forward to since we were all staying home, and I wanted to cater to their needs. It almost made me feel selfish to tell them I had work to do for school. So, I ended up staying up WAY past my usual bedtime just to get my work done because my family was so distracting.

It finally got to the point where I was too overwhelmed by my stressors of being back home and my school work. So, I decided I had to make some changes. My first step was to talk to my parents and my sister about how I was feeling. I had to explain that my school work was not something I could continue to put off and complete late at night. I don’t know if anyone else’s parents are like this, but my parents seem to think going to school is an easy job. Which honestly, is kind of understandable. Compared to their taxing jobs I’m sure sitting at home on a computer seems easy peasy. But, it’s still unfair to me and my feelings. So, I decided to show them more of what I was doing. I translated what I was learning and why it was important.

Second, I thought about how I could still spend some time with them while also being able to take care of myself and my responsibilities. I ended up taking virtual zumba classes with my mom in order to make her feel like she was still a priority to me. Let me tell you, zumba is not easy and my mom is a lot more coordinated than I am — embarrassing, I know. I would also run small errands with my dad whenever possible. If he had to run to the grocery store and I needed a study break, I would spend my study break with him. Finding these little ways to make time for my family helped so much and gave me more room to get my work done.

As for my emotional stressors, every night before bed I would think about three reasons why I was proud of myself. This helped me see that there’s so much to be happy about and that I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. So, if you are a first generation student feeling overwhelmed by all of the things you feel like you have to do, don’t. You are already on the right track. You’re here (or on your way), and you can do this! And also, show and explain to your parents what you’re working towards. I am 100% sure they would be so happy to see it and learn about what you’re doing. Summer is right around the corner and you will be amazing. Check out Savi’s blog post on the benefits of remote learning next! Fight on!

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